Redefining Success

What does it mean to be successful? Fat paychecks? A nice car? A job that comes with status and prestige? These are the beliefs that are instilled in us at a young age. It’s a pretty rigid set of  expectations to live up to and built within those expectations are all kinds of opportunities to feel like a failure. Because if you don’t achieve these so-called definitions of success then you must, by default, be a failure.  I looked up the definition of success on dictionary.com and right there in black and white it says: “the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.” So by very definition, we are taught that if we aren’t wealthy, we suck. If we don’t have a revered position in the community, we suck. If we don’t receive accolades and honors, we suck. According to this definition, pretty much all of us are failures, given that only 1% of the population is considered wealthy.

It’s a harsh reality we live in and by internalizing these false beliefs we begin to define ourselves and our worth by this societal definition of success. Is a person who is unemployed unsuccessful? Are they less worthy than the neurosurgeon who pulls in six figures a year? Is their self-value and worth truly different? As I personally choose not to believe society’s ego-based definitions of success it is tempting for me to come up with a new definition of success—maybe defining a successful individual as one who is kind, compassionate, lives with integrity, and chooses love over hate. But while these traits resonate more with me in terms of what makes a person “successful”, it is still a set of parameters, just a different set of parameters. And anytime an established set of parameters is determined, what inevitably follows is exclusion. Somebody will be left out. There will be days I don’t live up to my own set of parameters, days when maybe I don’t act kindly or compassionately. And then I’m left with the same feelings of failure that arise from not meeting the traditional definition of success. I would reach the same outcome of devaluing myself. Not everyone will be able to achieve a pre-determined set of parameters, no matter how well intentioned those parameters may be. This system of exclusion leads to the same issues of low self-worth and feelings of “not good enough” that we are trying to avoid. 

So how do we determine success in a way that doesn’t speak to superficial things that don’t matter (the type of job one has, the car you drive, the size of your house or bank account)? What if we considered ourselves successful simply for being here? I realize this is a new-agey approach, but bear with me. The simple truth is, life is hard! Even those who seem to have it all—financial security, a social life, love—are battling their own demons. The truth about being human is this: nobody escapes being human. We all wage our own internal battles, we all struggle at times with insecurity, fear, self-doubt. We live in a society where we feel we constantly have to prove ourselves, we have to “have it all together” (whatever that means), we aren’t allowed to be vulnerable, we need to keep our emotions under wraps, we need to wear different masks and present different personas in different social/professional settings. We are absolutely NOT encouraged to be ourselves. Isn’t this exhausting? We are jumping through these hoops everyday and then give ourselves a hard time that we still aren’t good enough! Earth school is hard! I think we are all mighty successful simply by being here, walking our own respective paths, battling our own respective inner demons, sharing the gifts we have (even if we don’t know it), learning to love, learning to be happy, learning to do our best, learning to value our inner light.

In my opinion a prostitute is successful. She is here learning her soul lessons and providing opportunities for others to learn about judgment, criticism, and what defines human worth. In my opinion, the garbage collector is successful. Can you imagine what it would be like if we didn’t have someone to collect our trash? How quickly we would learn the value of that profession!

We are all working on our soul lessons. In that we are all succeeding despite what we’ve decided, in our forgetfulness, success looks like. We may look at the prostitute and judge her as ‘unholy’, or ‘a poor lost soul’ or most certainly ‘unsuccessful’.  But what we don’t know is that most likely before incarnating into the human realm, as her divine soul was planning her earth curriculum she decided that experiencing prostitution is exactly what she wanted to do. And so, in being a prostitute, she is most successfully fulfilling her life’s purpose. We are expansive souls, choosing different facets of the human experience through which to share, and grow, and learn.

 The definition of success I previously quoted was 1 of 4 definitions provided by dictionary.com. Another was this: “the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one’s goals.” From a “bigger picture perspective” I can get on board with this definition.  By this I mean, our soul has determined what it wants to accomplish and experience in this lifetime. If the experience of prostitution is the souls’ goal, then by definition the prostitute is quite successful. So maybe this perspective is new-agey—but what if this is what we were taught? Imagine how our quality of life would be different if we operated within this understanding that each person’s path is valuable, and thereby successful? Wouldn’t our quality of life and our capacity to love ourselves and one another greatly improve? How could that be a bad thing? Wouldn’t such an improvement be considered a successful achievement in the human experience? Spiritually speaking, it certainly would be. But we don’t operate from a spiritual perspective. We operate from a mental perspective where our conditioned beliefs are firmly rooted and acted out.  But the good news is, we can make a different choice in what we choose to believe, in how we choose to define ourselves, at any point in time. We don’t have to operate within these strict parameters that tell us we aren’t good enough and aren’t achieving enough. All it takes is a conscious choice. The choice to realize that we are inherently divine, inherently worthy, and profoundly valuable. Consider that we aren’t screw-ups, but rather we live within a screwed up paradigm of what makes a person successful. The trap we fall into with this, is that even if we believe that, others often don’t and we so badly want to be viewed as successful, or worthy, in the eyes of others. So until they adopt this same belief of inherent worthiness, we still feel trapped. As long as our opinion of ourselves is dependent upon how others view us, we will remain enslaved to societal definitions of success. It takes strength to own our value, our worth, regardless of what anyone else thinks. But all it takes is a choice. The choice to believe something different. The choice to recognize our inner light. The choice to stop feeling ashamed about who we are, about what we do, or don’t do. The choice to set our self free. You are wholly and perfectly successful—right now, in whatever you’re doing. In your own perfect experience of life you are growing, learning, expanding, and sharing. That, my friend, is quite a success. Cheers!

Dedicated to my dear friend, Amy, who joyfully defines herself instead of letting society define her.

For more information about Heather's work as a medium please visit www.heatherwallace.net