Finding Footing On Shaky Ground

I feel utterly conflicted and confused. I'm not even sure how to articulate this inner conflict. This election. The pipeline. All creating such a vortex of emotional energy. I don't know what to do so I do the only things I know how to do. I pray. I ask that only the greatest good for all is what transpires. I go to my belief system--that everything we do makes a difference. So I am diligent to continually align my energy with what I want to see in the world. Peace, love, tolerance, acceptance. I try not to criticize those who anger me right now; I try not to add more energetic fuel to their fire. And above all, I breathe. I breathe deeply and fully, trying to stay centered and keep energy flowing. But the truth is, it doesn't feel like enough and I don't know what the fuck to do. Praying, being the change, breathing, it feels like it falls short sometimes. I see the violence that Trump supporters inflict and my own mind becomes violent. Part of me wants to 'put them in their place', hate them, judge them, condemn them, take away their rights. Yet, what I believe is that to really eradicate this violence we must rise above it, we must model a non-violent way to navigate our differences. I know this, believe this, and whole-heartedly align with this. But. Despite knowing that and not wanting to put one iota more of hate into the world, there is a part of me that does hate. Despite everything I know, everything I believe, there is a part of me that is angry and wants to retaliate. My ability to walk my talk is being challenged during these challenging times.

Spiritually speaking I've lost my footing. What I know, what I believe, has gotten lost in the emotional turbulence of this election. I never fathomed that an election could shake my faith so strongly. What if everything isn't working towards a greater good (the primary foundation of my belief system)? What if it's all just fucking chaos because that's the choices we have made and that is the senseless reality we have created? I'm continually telling people how we are expanding, how chaos is a natural part of change and change is good, change is happening because new light is emerging. But at what cost? And is it true? Am I full of shit? Is it something that is completely false? Something I adamantly believe, not because it's true but because I need to in order to justify the pain in the world?  These are the thoughts and conflicts that have arisen in me as a result of such a turbulent election (in conjunction with other issues such as what is occurring at Standing Rock).

What do I do with this? How do I reconcile my inner conflicts? This brings me back full circle. Breathe. Pray. Align. Act. Because that's really all we can do. And it's enough. Today I breathe deeply and surrender to my inability to do anything more than what I already am. I pray, continuously, for the greatest good to prevail and surrender to the fact that I don't know what that is or how it will look. And most importantly, I don't give energy to the parts of me that want to hate. I give energy to the parts of me that want to love. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., my constant north star, showed us that this conscious energy management  is a powerful agent for change. My faith is rocked, my heart is heavy, and that's ok. I can find solace in standing firm in my convictions to love and to put as much gosh darn love out into the world as I can. I look out at the beautiful parts of the world and I breathe it in. I take myself to a mountain lake and breathe in the beauty. The picture above is my view as I sit writing this. A reminder that there IS power in breathing in the good and the beauty around us. And in so doing I start to remember. I am feeling again anchored in to my truth. It's going to be okay. I think I speak for all of us when I say (in regards to this current election) we are exhausted. We are disgusted. We don't know what to do. And that's all okay. Feel it. Breathe it out. And come back to your truth. How will you contribute to a better world? What actions can you take in your own life to support a better world? Today I am in the process of closing my bank account with Chase, because they are funding things I am adamantly opposed to. That's all I can do--look for the small ways, in my own life, to take a stand. You guys, it matters. It really does. Our individual actions are creating and are moving us forward. Please don't forget your power. It would be so easy right now to give in to anger and animosity. It's much harder to love and forgive those who are committing violent atrocities. But this choice is where our greatest power for a better world lives. And as I breathe, and pray, and surrender, this is a truth that I remember, and can feel good about.

(My apologies for being a bit rambly and zagging around to different points. I think we're all a bit jaded and rattled by current events!)

In Love & Gratitude,

Heather


Post note: As I wrote this, my teachers in spirit were reminding me that when we become discouraged and feel that we aren't doing enough, it's important to remember there is only so much we CAN do. We are only one person and while one person has the ability to make a tremendous difference (and indeed we ARE all making a tremendous difference), we need to remember that the differences we make aren't always seen, felt, or measured in the outside world. That doesn't mean we aren't doing enough or contributing enough to world change. We are. Whatever actions we can take to bring more light into the world, whatever actions we can take to peacefully stand against that which we don't believe in, makes a difference. In fact, that's the only way the collective will change--it begins with us as individuals.