Discarding the Mask of Spirituality

I've been paying attention to something lately. I have become interested in this phenomenon where spiritual seekers consistently engage in the very behaviors they are claiming to denounce. I have discovered that, as ironic as it is, spirituality is quite often used as yet another mask of the ego. There seems to be a tendency along the spiritual path to feel a sense of spiritual superiority. A point where many, many books have been read, many hours have been spent in meditation or self reflection, many seminars and workshops have been attended and a level of understanding has been reached where one feels they know more than others. Where they feel they are "awake" while others remain "asleep". And in this feeling of being in a higher state of consciousness than others, all of the same old ego baggage shows up--judgment, criticism, feelings of superiority. It seems that the path to enlightenment can serve as yet another form of identification with the ego. It is yet another identity we cling to for a feeling of self-worth. 

Instead of aligning our heart with the divine, which I believe is our true intention when we set out on the journey of self-expansion, we can tend to align our ego with our spirituality.

Seeking spiritual enlightenment, one may discard previous ways of identifying the self. One perhaps identified their self with role of 'parent' or 'teacher' or 'CEO'. Perhaps these were labels where one found their sense of value and their identity. When one realizes that they are not these labels, but so much more, and embark upon the journey of self-discovery it seems the same trap applies at some point along this road where a new identity is formed from which a sense of self is derived. The new identity is rooted in spiritual superiority. We can identify with new labels such as, 'awake, 'metaphysical', 'enlightened', 'psychic', 'evolved'. But isn't this just the same pattern? Isn't it the same old pattern of finding our sense of self-worth through labels we apply to ourselves, ones that allow us to feel 'better than' others? I have noticed this spiritual superiority lately and have been fascinated by it. Why do we need a label or identity at all? What if we had NO identity? Do we fear we would cease to exist?

I began to really look at this. I realized that acquiring a bunch of spiritual knowledge is not the same as applying it. One can read every self-help book on the market and fully believe in higher spiritual concepts and truths and yet not apply these truths in their own lives. Application is far more difficult than the acquisition of knowledge! I looked back over the course of the past 10 years of my life and saw where I was, for a long time, very much identifying with the spiritual path. Being one who has been on a path of 'self-discovery' for some time, putting a gigantic microscope on every single thought, feeling, and behavior I have, with the constant intention of healing those parts of myself I don't like and aligning with my higher self, I began to think that this was who I am. I am one on a conscious journey of self-discovery and self-expansion. That's my identity. Right? Wrong. It dawned on me that 'self-help' is just another identity. One that makes us feel better about ourselves perhaps than previous labels we have identified with. Yet the need for an identity still exists. The true goal, I believe, is total unification with the soul. That is the space where authentic humility and love live. That space of unification with the soul, with who we really truly are, is like a void. There is no identity here, there is no need for an identity, there is nothing but purity. Just pure being-ness. From this space the ego is not clamoring for attention by touting oneself as a spiritually aware individual. 

Instead of the feared feeling of non-existence, it seems as if a tremendous burden is lifted in this unifying with the soul. No need to prove oneself, no need to tell people what you are about, no need to defend your beliefs and opinions, no need to convince people you are good/wise/smart/awake/aware. This is where one can just relax and open up to the divine and allow that divinity to shine through. In one's interactions with others, in one's work, simply allowing that divine essence to shine is all that needs to be done. One realizes that they don't have to change the world, they don't have to bear the burden of trying to be of service. Simply aligning with this divine light and knowing that by allowing it to shine it will touch who it needs to touch, is enough. Being of service to others and the world around us is then a natural, happy consequence of simply being in this  state of oneness with the soul. 

I am getting ready to begin teaching dance classes in the community and in a recent conversation with a friend I was relaying how nervous I was feeling about this and the anxiety I had around it. I didn't even realize until I began speaking out loud about my feelings that the root of this anxiety was a tremendous amount of pressure I was putting on myself to deliver something that would give people a profoundly joyful and possibly transformative experience. That is the potential of the dance, which I somehow got confused with my responsibility for what people will get out of the experience.

In my driving desire for people to feel good about and love themselves I had somehow taken this on as my responsibility. Which I realized was quite arrogant! Who am I to be in charge of people's transformations?! All I can do is align with my soul, or the divine, and allow that to come through me. That's it, there's nothing else I need to do. How people (or even IF people) come to their own experiences of joy and empowerment is out of my control. By aligning with my true self I can hopefully create a space of joyful potential, but it's not up to me what people walk away with. Since having that realization all of my anxiety has gone and I've gotten back into the space of sheer fun and bliss I feel when I'm dancing. I know that all I have to do is let go, be myself, and do my best. The rest isn't up to me.

This personal scenario is yet another example of how we can marry our ego to a sense of service, or spirituality, and come out of balance with that union with the soul/divine. In realizing this is what we are doing, and letting go, freedom is ours.

Self-expansion is a highly personal and beautiful journey. As we travel along that path, we can look for the tell-tale signs of the ego as it tries to make us feel good about ourselves and form self-identities through our path.....do we have a need to brag about our journey? Do we need to tell others about every little metaphysical discovery/insight we've gained? Do we start to feel responsible for helping others 'wake up'? Is our sense of self based on our spiritual path? On an identity as a spiritual seeker?The true and authentic unification with the soul is a quiet journey. It is one that does not need to be touted or shouted. It doesn't need acknowledgment from others. It doesn't involve labels and identities. It is a profoundly simple space of peace, serenity and being-ness.