A Reluctant Yogi

As my initial training to be a yoga instructor is coming to completion, it is natural I think to turn introspective on that journey. I sit and look back over the course of the past 10 months and marvel at how dramatically my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs, and my paradigms have shifted.

I laugh now, as I recall the me who entered into that very first training weekend of our teacher training program. That version of me had no intention of being a yoga teacher, no intention of learning Sanskrit, no intention of ever sporting a mala (similar to prayer beads). I in fact scoffed at such things. Learn Sanskrit? How arrogant! Nobody in my yoga classes will know Sanskrit so why would I speak it to them? Isn't that just showing off? Wear a mala--and jump on the "yogi bandwagon" since every yogi I know is sporting one? Seems like another form of being sheep to me!

Such were my thoughts 10 short months ago as I entered my training program. The sole reason for even joining the program was because I intend to open a mind, body, spirit studio in which yoga is one of many offered modalities for healing. I didn't particularly want to teach it, but from a business standpoint it seemed practical to know how to teach it and be a certified yoga instructor in case I need to sub for one of my teachers and so I could be on a level playing field with the yoga professionals I would be employing and have knowledge of what I am offering at my studio.

Despite my ignorance, despite my critical judgments, yoga embraced and enveloped me without hesitation and folded me right into her heart. Now as I stand one week away from my teacher training graduation, I am filled with excitement and joy to begin teaching. I cannot wait to share my love of yoga with the world! I own not one, but three malas, and I absolutely ADORE the lovely language of Sanskrit and spend hours chanting the beautiful Sanskrit mantras I have learned. Not only that, but my graduation present to myself is a tattoo--in Sanskrit!

The yogic path has been one of the greatest gifts of my life. Not so much in the literal and actual paradigm itself, although it is beautiful and I respect it fully. But in what it showed me about myself. Like the oft referred to lotus blossom in yoga, I found myself gently opening, stretching, and flourishing from the mud.

Being the reluctant yogi that I was, initially turning up my nose at some of the most intrinsic and basic components of the yogic path, I never in a million years would have supposed that I would one day in the very near future be standing where I am now--fully loving and embracing and ready to share the wisdom of yoga and all it's glories.

What this has taught me is a valuable lesson in flowing with where life takes me and remaining open to the possiblities. I suppose I could have tried to cling to my judgments about speaking Sanskrit and wearing malas, in which case I would have missed out on things that now bring me joy. But in remaining open to where the journey would take me, I allowed myself to let in the love and joy of something new. And in so doing, I am better prepared to give to others.

It is so common, I believe, to get kind of stuck in our preconceived notions about things. The human mind wants very much to assume it already knows everything. When we cling very tightly to this we can miss out on some really great experiences. On the other hand, by opening up to spirit, we can open ourselves up to new experiences and expressions of joy and love that we didn't even see coming.

I know that my graduation doesn't mark the end of the journey--not even close. For such a reluctant yogi, I am now eager to continue my training and to learn so much more about yoga and the yoga tradition. Yes, I'm even starting to feel the gentle pull to India (a place I once said I had no desire to visit!).

What marvelous lessons I've learned in these past ten months. Perhaps the most important of all, the value of allowing and being open to change. How very limited my experience would be if I had held tight to my initial pre-conveived notions. I would have missed out on so much. I think this is true in all endeavors. We enter into the unknown with definite ideas and preconceptions about it. That is fine, so long as we are willing to allow those ideas and preconceived notions to shift and reshape as we shift and reshape ourselves. Otherwise we would be like a lotus flower that remains tightly in a bud, never opening, never flowering, never feeling the sun shine on all of it's glorious petals. And never sharing it's glorious beauty with the world.

If we think of ourselves as a lotus flower, each and every time we enter into something new, we can immediately shift ourselves into a space of willingness to open and to bloom. And that my friends, is where we meet our selves. Our true, beautiful, and glorious selves.

Namaste!